Fear: Inner Mirror Image

Name of artist: Susan Smith, Survivor
Gender: female
Perpetrator/abuser: father
Message: Victims of any kind of crime whether it is mentally, physically, verbally, or emotionally feel totally isolated. We live in fear and darkness. We are too scared to live. Everything we see and think is distorted and backward, like looking in a mirror.
We live and hide behind the darkened glass of the mirror and closed doors, not letting anyone near out of fear and so we can be safe from harm.
Darkened images rule our lives. The fear of dark images of people passing us by, what will they do to us? The darkened images of a past dead and gone that can never be captured again. All of our lost innocence, security, childhood, dreams, hopes and freedom forever gone from our lives. We will never to be the same again.
All the lonely silent tears we cry on the inside and hide from everyone. All the emotional blood letting we have felt. We feel like we are drowning in our own tears and blood. Too afraid to ask for someone to save us and help us. Just wanting to die for what was done to us.
We are so chained to this fear they have created for us. We cannot ever be truly free or free from it. We build brick walls around our torn hearts.
It is a slower form of suicide. It is emotional suicide of the soul.
This is about me. This is my story and how I see the world.
I was a victim of child abuse. It started as far back as I can remember.
My father mentally, physically, verbally, sexually and emotionally abused me. He also ran a ritual black magic occult to which he made his kids take part in. My mother did nothing to stop him and helped him in his acts.
I finally ran away from home at age eighteen to get away from it all. I lived on the street for a while but anywhere but there was better than living that life.
My whole life has been one kind of abuse after another. I did not know any better and thought that is all I deserved. I tried for years to get help but never found the right one to help me. So after 41 years worth of abuse I finally tried to kill myself again and a caring doctor told me to get help.
Through the Advocacy Center I finally found the right help I needed. And through them I am finally able to live, grow and love myself finally. I am finally able to be the person I was meant to be.

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