Poetry

 

Reclamation

Poet: Stacie Primeaux

 

I once found myself lost
blizzard beaten
looking back
and recalling you differently now that I know how the story ended
that smirk a few years back, now
looks unreliable
 
home debased into crime scene
 
I find myself nauseous and heavy headed driving through trunks of lightening
Stems of glow that brighten the closet corners
And I miss my turn
 
I stumble around the new place
barging into rooms without a point to make
And slip out embarrassed
To pace another
treading patterns into my hutch
 
I find myself cursing love songs
Jealously growling back at my hunger
And averse to say I once loved like the villain’s dog
Full on scraps
Heeling
And killing the hero for you
 
your name smells of hollow dust wind
 
And just as I learn which light switch goes to what I am sent packing again
Discarding pictures of your mother and stock piling cardboard boxes
And you
Are egging me on
Nudging me out
And I am regrouping
Tying up the children my arms a pink bow
We are posted a modest parcel
 
I find myself wading around the edges of sleep looking for commiseration as elusive as loch ness
Catching myself still aroused at the thought of your sinful gaze or the silhouette of your shoulders swaying above me
And I say that it is only because I want to make love in general
I say that if you were standing at my bedroom door I would still withhold myself from the stranger you’ve become
I am arresting myself, confiscating moans before they escape my borders
 
I find myself attempting to sweep statues out my door muttering
I can loosen the stubborn honey jar lid
I can reach the stupid hammer on the top shelf
And I      can kill      a cockroach
 
I find myself fumbling the children in my pockets like river stones, carrying them across bridges shrouded in the merciful haze of their youth
And hoping that years from now they will remember
Nothing
But my face
Adamant
Close
Strong
 
I find myself laughing at the top of my voice
Wildly giggling to engorge the silence that now evades the space you left
I suck in quiet and spit out gun shot shower
Fitful against the control you once had
 
I am filling this pit with hummingbirds and warm bread and cello thump
 
I find myself waking
Twitching out of the ice
Dredging up
Braiding into
 
I find myself pulling feathers from behind the ears
I find myself still ragged with love
Still flinging my grin
Skipping glances over the crowds
Rolling miles across my pillows and landing in languor
 
I find myself
Plucked from junk drawers
I dust off
I unfold my fists and smooth them out
Where maps to my resolution have been concealed
 
I find myself resurfacing
I find myself still captivating and unscathed
I find my self wound taught
Self-taught
 
I
find
my
self

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